In Him I hope

4 Replies

Soon, what I have worked for and at for 21 years will be over.  Its nudging I have ignored, denied and just plain reasoned away for a good while.  Until, I could no longer.  Still and yet, its persistence doesn’t make the decision to leave an easy one. 

I wonder if I am too old to seek something new.  Is it too late to cradle a dream in my arms that I have long hidden in my heart?  If I consider things in terms of what seems “reasonable” by this world, it just doesn’t seem to be the right time. 

Yet, I hear Him whisper, “yes, now.”  So, I follow.  I say “goodbye” to that which has been so kind and “hello” to things I have only dreamt about. 

In the midst of it all, I seek to remember…

“The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.”  -Lamentations 3:24

My Portion

2 Replies

I have a coworker who lives right on the Potomac River.  He and his wife wake up each morning to sunrises over the water.  Often, as I am driving to work on the George Washington Parkway I get a quick glimpse of these morning lights shimmering through the trees.  I think of them and enviously wish these views were my morning portion.  Each day seems markedly different than the previous and yet, not one is less than the other. 

All are captivating.

This morning as I walked once again around our little lake (or is it a pond), I prayed for fresh eyes to see His glory and grace.  He never disappoints – as I am so often prone to do.  A whispered prayer carried to the heavens and then this I behold…

 

He is a generous God.  A giver all that is good and perfect.  He calls us to choose the right thing like Mary who sat His feet savoring His Presence and not be like Martha who was distracted and bothered by the unnecessary (Luke 10: 41-42)

Friends, I am so guilty of a Martha mindset.  I miss the beauty in my own little world – too busy to see the graces right in front of me – too distracted by the unnecessary to enjoy my portion.  So today, I pray for eyes to see, ears to listen and a heart to ponder.

Today I savor His presence in my portion.  Join me, my friends, for we each have our share of grace to enjoy.

Christmas Forever Changed

1 Reply

 

Today I was reading a devotional and this pricked at my heart…

“Do not allow Christmas to be defined by your disappointment but allow your disappointment to be forever changed because of Christmas.”  **

While the sparkle and lights of Christmas often do well to hide the disappointment in our hearts, I think it is safe to say that many of us have that place where the colorful twinkle and the best of gifts cannot take away the emptiness left by disappointment. 

Loved ones gone.  Dreams forgotten.  Hopes dashed. 

We long to distract our focus from our hearts that heave heavy and echo empty.  So, we fill with our moments with fluff and tinsel.  We pretend that the empty rattle is nothing more than a jingle of a holiday bell.  In doing so, we foolishly believe that our distractions hide the hollow in our heart. 

God, however, knows we need more.  He longs for us sit quietly in His presence and acknowledge the disappointment. 

Release comes in the recognizing and the admitting we are disappointed.  Yet, we hold tightly to the emptiness.  So tight, we can’t even grasp the fullness He wants to give. 

Do we fear that God will be angry with our empty?  Frustrated with our broken?  He designed and knit our existence.  His purpose is the one that defines our lives.  Disappointment wasn’t His intention but it became our portion when flesh broke free and ate of an apple.

But God never leaves us where our brokenness seeks to hide.

On one ordinary day, flesh moved and life breathed in a feeding trough of a stable.  Grace was born in a world so wanting.  The very first gift on the very first Christmas – so small yet full – still labors to be born in our hearts today.

I challenge you – as I challenge myself – lay aside the fluff and the tinsel.  Give voice to the empty echo and let it go.  The Christ Child born that day so long ago is our Immanuel today.  May our Christmas be forever changed by Christ. 

 

** Joy! To Your World-A Countdown to Christmas on Bible App YouVersion

 

Feeding of Faith

2 Replies

 

Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles and the judgements he pronounced. 

Psalm 105:5

 

 

They crack crisp under my feet.  These fallen leaves from glory high lay as a reminder of passing time.  I don’t know if I necessarily need a reminder for as much as these dry leaves break brittle under feet, my cracking joints sing similar songs.

Yet, wanted or not, they remind.  Speak volumes of the fleeting moments that make up our lives.  Minutes that together form seasons bringing forth life and death.  Seasons that wax and wane with a rhythm so familiar and yet each a mystery we wait to unfold. 

 

 

Faith, my friend, walks to destinations unknown.  It moves in the waiting.  It is a seeking anticipation.  Not a life deferred.   When the seasons change our living we must strive to look beyond the ebb.  We must gather our remembrances of grace that once was and take it as manna into our wandering. 

A feeding of faith for the journey ahead and at its table today I gather to give thanks.  For all that was…for all that is…for all that is to come.   

Gratitude is born in hearts that take time to count up past mercies.  – Charles Edward Jefferson

Wallflowers should dance

2 Replies


I am amazed at how many of those who attended Allume have found words so quickly.  Mine haven’t been easy or free flowing but then, my heart and my writing tend to simmer long.

I am envious of those who spring so freely.  Who can walk into a crowd and initiate conversation.  Who never seem to know a stranger and can see a blog post in most any activity.  Yet this brooding, quiet spirit is the one I have been given.  So, I stretch in baby steps – a captive conversation at dinner or a brief interaction before a session begins – awkward at best and uncomfortable at worst but attempted nonetheless.

Last year my Relevant experience was traumatic.  Walking into the first dinner late felt like being the new girl in school who is trying to figure out what table to sit at during lunch.  I didn’t know anyone.  I didn’t know much about blogging, either.  This year I still didn’t know anyone (really) and only a tad bit more of blogging.  I joked before this conference that I hoped someone would have a spatula to pry this wallflower from the wall. 

I may have joked but it was the truth.  I knew that the introverted part of me would stick like wallpaper paste to the fringes.   Soaking in the clamor but only occasionally engaging the masses.  Prayerfully I wondered why I was here and sought to glean what He spoke. 

Therein lies the beauty of Allume.

 He does speak through vessels willing to be His voice – those who allow grace to flow in and through them.  Snippets of encouragement came from every direction and not always from behind a podium but in the elevator – around the table – in the prayer room.

Their whispers danced in the air.  Soft and billowing they passed through my heart.  Some latched on like a bramble and cut deep into my soul. 

You have to bury your fear in faith otherwise you bury your talents – Ann Voskamp

If God is calling you to do something you can only fail by disobedience – Logan Wolfram

When you compare yourself – compare yourself to where you began, not to where others are  – Darren Rowse

There in the prickly truths I understand.  I may be a wallflower in the scheme of this world but my Creator beckons with hand outstretched to dance this dance of life with Him.  His hand is the one I wish to grab.  His lead is the one I wish to follow.

Wallflowers should dance but first we must leave the wall.