Dormant

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I can’t help but notice Lent comes in the deep of winter.  When the ground is hard and cold.  When trees stand like skeletons stark against the sky.  When a muddied gray covers the horizon more often than not.  This is the season when the green growth of life seems forever lost.

In truth, it is only dormant.  Sleeping.  Tucked away from the harsh winter’s breath.  Underneath the dark of earth, it is nestled warm beneath a multicolored quilt of fallen leaves and the fluffy down of fresh fallen snow.

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Roots grow wider and deeper.  Flower bulbs take in the nutrients that will soon give birth to the colors of spring.  Seeds that fell to earth in the fall have burrowed their hulls deep in the dirt to die a martyr’s death.  Their demise is momentary but necessary in order for life to bear their fruit.

Fitting it seem that the liturgical and the literal seasons marry themselves together.  Mirror images – creation and created drawing from the same Source.

In this barren moment of Lent, life prevails.

Ash Wednesday

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“…for you are dust and to dust you shall return.”   Genesis 3:19

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Today we are reminded of the handful of earth that we were each borne from.  Breath blown from the lips of the Creator gave life.

Gives life.

But the dirt became dirty because of a serpent’s whisper and an apple eaten.  Choices given and choices made still toss mud and muck our way.  When the dirt piles on, we too easily forget how messy we really are.

Therein lies the beauty of a Lenten journey.  A time of holy cleansing of the all that clings long and hardens along the way.

I have fought this season in the past.  Lost in the man-made rules of “have-to’s” was my “heart to.”  I struggled with the tradition that found itself bound in rules.  I struggled with the sharing.  I struggled with the failing.  I wrestled myself out of it entirely and yet, longed for it, too.

This year I am choosing to enter in a different way.  Join me, if you like.

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Today, I begin, like David,

Have mercy on me, O God,
because of your unfailing love.
Because of your great compassion,
blot out the stain of my sins.
 2 Wash me clean from my guilt.
Purify me from my sin.
 3 For I recognize my rebellion;
it haunts me day and night.
 4 Against you, and you alone, have I sinned;
I have done what is evil in your sight.
You will be proved right in what you say,
and your judgment against me is just.
 5 For I was born a sinner—
yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.
 6 But you desire honesty from the womb,
teaching me wisdom even there.

7 Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
 8 Oh, give me back my joy again;
you have broken me—
now let me rejoice.
 9 Don’t keep looking at my sins.
Remove the stain of my guilt.
 10 Create in me a clean heart, O God.
Renew a loyal spirit within me.
 11 Do not banish me from your presence,
and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me.

12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and make me willing to obey you.
 13 Then I will teach your ways to rebels,
and they will return to you.
 14 Forgive me for shedding blood, O God who saves;
then I will joyfully sing of your forgiveness.
 15 Unseal my lips, O Lord,
that my mouth may praise you.

16 You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one.
You do not want a burnt offering.
 17 The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit.
You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.
 18 Look with favor on Zion and help her;
rebuild the walls of Jerusalem.
 19 Then you will be pleased with sacrifices offered in the right spirit—
with burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings.
Then bulls will again be sacrificed on your altar.

Psalm 51 NLT

 

 

I will post throughout this 40 Day Journey some thoughts and reflections.  Come back and join in.

Twilight Examen

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Twilight is falling like a gentle rain. I am not ready for this day’s impending demise because there is much left within me wanting – yet it comes, ready or not.

So, rather than fight the inevitable, I pause to collect my thoughts.

What has this day brought to me?

What have I given back to it?

Have those I met been better for our encounter?

What is this day’s greatest blessing?

What is undone…can it remain so for now and maybe forever?

What one thing did I accomplish that brings joy to my heart?

Is there someone I need to make peace with?

Simple questions can lead to profound answers.

Within this sacred pause, I am both graced and confronted. Yet, in order to live my life mindfully they must be asked.  For too long, I have toddled along my life’s path moment to moment missing the holy in the midst of the mundane.

Too often I ventured from the good way because the wrong way looked so right. Those missteps have carried a heavy price.

In these twilight opportunities, we are given opportunity to draw down the shade of this day and wrap ourselves in the great silence of night. Waste not this chance.

Soon, very soon, the grace of another dawn will rise.

O’ Lord, support us all the day long, until the shadows lengthen, and the evening comes, and the busy world is hushed and the fever of life is over, and our work is done. Then, Lord, in your mercy grant us safe lodging, and a holy rest, and peace at the last; through Jesus Christ our Lord. John Henry Newman

repost from my previous blog “A Sacred Longing”

 

 

When the want of more found me

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We have been snowed in since Friday when the Blizzard of 2016 made its way into my neighborhood.  Gratefully, though we may have shoveled a whole lot of snow, we didn’t have the horrible winds or lack of power often associated with storms like this.

 It could have been worse.  It almost always can.

So today, I decided to venture past my driveway and into the neighborhood.  I wanted to walk into this area with my eyes wide open and my camera ready and waiting for something to catch my attention.  

A Visio Divina of sorts.

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I have been in an odd sort of way of late.  Caught in a cloak of grayness.  My heart has been weary and my soul has been worn.  Life ebbs and flows much like the tides of the ocean I so love to watch.  This particularly ebbing for me has seemed to last a bit longer and go a bit deeper than I want.  I have a few theories why but theories don’t change anything but perspective often does.

Today, I begged for a change in view.  A glimpse of the Divine is what I asked for.  Something of beauty that I could set my heart to ponder. 

I trudged past the numbing cold that wrapped wet around my calves and into my boots.  The untouched snow marked higher than my knees and made my footing unsure.  I kept walking, though.  I desperately needed this.

I needed to know that even in this midst of the gray cloak of weariness He was there.  I needed to see Him.  My mind knows He is and He has always been.  It is my heart that needs reminding. 

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Beauty was all around.  Untouched snow that dazzled bright like a million diamonds.  A lone track of duck foot prints marking their way into the lake.  Berries frozen and hanging reminding me that even now the sparrow has food waiting.  I wanted to go further but the aching in my wet legs said no.  I turned around and trudged back home. 

What I saw was beautiful but I still longed for more.  I am always wanting for more but more doesn’t always seem to be.  So I changed from the snow packed boots and the wet, frozen pants and began to settle my heart that what I had seen must have been enough. 

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And then, we saw it, commanding its perch and scanning the horizon right here in my backyard.  My prayer was heard and my heart overflowed.

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Why would you ever complain, O Jacob, or whine, Israel saying, “God has lost track of me.  He doesn’t care what happens to me”?  Don’t you know anything?  Haven’t you been listening?  God doesn’t come and go.  God lasts.  He’s Creator of all you can see or imagine.  He doesn’t get tired out, doesn’t pause to catch his breath.  And he knows everything – inside and out.  He energizes those who get tired, gives fresh strength to dropouts.  For even young people tire and drop out, young folk in their prime stumble and fall.  But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.  They spread their wings and soar like eagles.  They run and don’t get tired, they walk and don’t lag behind. 

Isaiah 40:27-31  The Message

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Today, more was found right outside my door perched on a limb and I am grateful – so very grateful.

Rote and Ritual

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I am sure I have prayed these words a million times and yet, they seemed so unfamiliar.  It happens when things become rote and ritual.  Their power lost in our inattentiveness.  We stop seeing.  We stop hearing. 

Today, however, I saw and it shook me to the core. 

You see, it’s easy in this world of social media sound bytes to rattle off opinions and proclaim judgements.  We may think our voice is drowned out in the sea of millions but to the One who hears all things it plunks like a pebble in a sea of glass.  The ripples go farther and longer than we ever anticipated.

We speak before we truly understand.  Our perspective is tainted and one-sided at best.  We hold tight to what we know but no matter what we think – we don’t know it all. 

Only He does.

And yet, we spew our words and toss our judgements as if what we are saying is etched in stone and more worthy than another.   Pictures, memes and comments fly on our pages faster than the mind can think, the heart can ponder and the soul can respond.

I wonder how different we are from those who rattled opinions and proclaimed judgements on Christ himself.  Those who lived by the law and failed to see the fulfillment who stood right in their midst.  Those who lost sight in their own myopic vision to see eternity living and breathing among them.  Do we consider ourselves of better stock and pray His words with conviction, “Your Kingdom come Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.” 

I fear we beg Heaven to come but live as if it never will.  God help us!

The One who looked at his disciples and said, “Why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eye but do not notice the log in your own eye?”  Looks at us and says the same. 

Very little has changed.

We seek forgiveness to ensure our eternity and fail so quickly to give to others what we crave.  Our vision is blocked by our own arrogance and ignorance.  Thoughtlessly, we continue to pray, “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

We prattle rote words that fall from our lips but never touch our heart.  If the ritual became real then we would be more mindful of what we pray to the One who answers.

“Forgive us … as we forgive.”

We speak as if we know what we are saying but if we truly did, would our world, our home and our heart not be different.  If those words carried their truth from our lips to our heart we would know that what we pray for is also the measure we ask for.

So the question is…do we really want to be forgiven in the manner in which we forgive?